September 15, 2023, the day that I stopped breathing. Not literally, but I felt the wind leave me when I pulled in the driveway of my mom’s home only to be told that she had stopped breathing five minutes before I arrived.

Nothing could prepare me for the year that was ahead. I knew of heaven, and I knew that my mom was there. I didn’t care, I wanted her here. I still needed her.

I am only 44, she is only 64! The days and nights began to blur, and time was nonexistent. I had never felt this pain in my heart before. I knew that I would not make it through this.

September 19 2023

Moms service was beautiful. My brother did an amazing job giving her everything that she asked for right down to butterflies in her hair.

It was hard but we made it through, not unchanged and not unshaken. What now?

My kids’ whole lives have been spent with grandma, going to the lake, just hanging out on the weekends watching whatever it was she had on, mostly heartland she loved that show.

What do we do now that she is no longer here?

October 2023-December 2023

I do not remember a lot of the days during these months. We moved into our new home in November. Mom was only able to see the house in pictures, never in person. That made me sad because she prayed so hard for this to happen for so long.

I would find myself crying at every sound, smell and even the taste of foods would bring the flood of tears.

It would be in these moments that I began to seek God so strongly, and my relationship with him was rocky. I was still mad at him, I just did not know that yet.

I began to journal(blog) on Facebook spiritual revelations that I would get during my grief. I began to wonder if anyone ever felt this way. I found that a lot of people have been where I am. Then I realized that one hundred percent of humans will experience loss at some point.

Some experience the loss of a child, something I have never experienced but I have known people who have, and I have watched them heal. How is that possible?

ALL of us will at some point experience the loss of a parent!

Why are there no warnings of the grief that will come when your mother is no longer here with you? why are there no books or blogs about grief from the loss of a parent?

Parents are the lifelines that we hold dear to our hearts because they sacrificed so much for us. They give of themselves for us, to make sure we are happy and healthy.

She was my biggest cheerleader. She was always telling everyone how proud she was of me.

Stay with me this is going to be hard! I will share as much as I can as fast as I can to get us to where I am now. If you stay with me, I promise you God is going to show up!